Thoughts From the Edge of Oblivion

Notes from the Healthcare Worker:

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:19:04 GMT

These are two notes I found on the same shopping list and my written reply:

We're out of Pam Cooking Spray

Check on the stove in the middle.

We're out of Cooking oil

It's called Pam Cooking Spray...check the stove.

Kingdom Hearts: Days in a nutshell

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 10:56:47 GMT

Yay, got Axel's job right, Creepy Xemnas/Roxas subtext, Axel/Roxas subtext, Roxas/Xion subtext, Roxas/Xion/Axel subtext, yay, got Axel's name right...and WTF did Saix just hit on Axel?!, subtext, subtext, RIKU, subtext, subtext, KING MICKEY, subtext, Ooo, cheap bitch move Axel, bitchy!Xion attack, yay she's...wait, no...

*stares depressed at KH II opening* that was supposed to turn out differently!

(Yeah, so that's my best non spoiler review)

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:44:42 GMT

I have H1N1...and it's three days before Samhain.

Can I die now? *curls up in a miserable ball with NyQuill*

ARG!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:09:32 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Once again, memoirs was attacked, and this time I had to completely overhaul wordpress (as you can see by the new layout, I can’t find the rose one anymore). I will be looking into moving my sites, but no idea how quickly or if this will even fix the problem.

What the hell is WRONG with people?!

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 13:00:16 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Did someone send a memo to the world that manners are no longer accepted?!

And I’m not just talking about idiot rappers, congressmen or tennis players. I mean normal, every day people.

I was at McDonald’s tonight and they were SLAMMED, both inside and in the drive-thru. So most (okay, all but one woman) were waiting patiently for our food, the one woman decided that after, at the most five minutes of waiting, she was going to (loudly) yell at the poor guy trying to take orders and get food that she had been waiting ‘fifteen minutes for her food” and “how dare she have to wait that long” (no, I’m not making that up). She then proceeded to get on her cellphone (after reciving her food a minute after that), and disturb everyone else again, by loudly complaining to whomever the hell she was talking to about the service and how they were now “so late”.

And it’s not only random strangers who are mannerless irritents to my day, no, I get the joy of getting mannerless…ARG…people emailing me their rudeness! Now, I’m not one who minces words online, and I am quite aware of the ‘asshole’ effect the internet has, but please, use some tact.

Jesus, my grandmama raised me better then that and I have to stare at these people and wonder where the hell their elders were when they were growing up, because seriously, manners are not just something that faded away when Miss Manners faded out of popular culture.

*bangs head violently*

Meme

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 11:43:19 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Post a picture in my comments of what you think describes me when you think about what/who I am. Give no written explanation. Just an image.

Post this in your journal and see what images you get.

Mini Writing Rant

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:41:10 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

…I have to find a way to combine The 7th Guest video game, The Haunted Mansion ride plot and Detective Conan/Magic Kaito into one cohesive fanfiction, all by mid-October.

…and for some reason yelling “Dear God why?!” at the cealing doesn’t help.

Pain…lots and lots of pain

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 14:20:46 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Hmm, lots of shit going on around here all of a sudden…which is probably why I’m suffering exaustion at the moment (emotional and physical…which means nothing is getting accomplished).

Mum and I were talking the other day, and she was whining that her Uriologst wasn’t going to tell her anything until January, when all the testing was done, during which, she still had to endure pain and bleeding. I countered with the fact that if anything was seriously wrong, her doctor would get a hold of her before that. She, of course, didn’t believe me.

…until the next morning when the doctor called at the ass crack of dawn to schedule imediate surgery for a cyst on her kidney found during her CAT Scan. *smacks forehead* I do actually know what I’m talking about!

So mum’s on bed rest…which was fun for me, as I have to take care of her. I don’t like playing fetch *pouts* Also throws off me sleeping as she’s up longer then I usually am. I think she discovered how stressed out I am between worring about her and taking care of her, when I burst into tears one day when she asked for dinner (no, I don’t know why I did that, I just did).

Tonight, she leaves for a week in Eugene, to go to her back dr appointment, and have her kidney surgery. It’ll be nice, to get some time to decompress, before starting the stress cycle all over again.

My grandmother is a complete bitch (not that this is news to longtime visitors *grins*). For the past two weeks (er, the past two before last weekend), Mum and I literally destroyed ourselves getting that stupid yard sale going. Our shoulders are STILL hurting from moving shit around. The only reason we did this to ourselves, was Grandmere swore up/down/sidwaise that we would get half of the total take of the sale.

…which was around 600$, quite a nice chunk of change for two people who had an outstanding electric bill and an upcoming holiday to save for.

So the sale’s going great, and Grandmere comes down on the second day to see how things are going…and promptly takes 400$ (what we had at the time) and leaves. Mum asks here later about spltting the money and magically…Grandmere has no idea what mum’s talking about and requests the rest of the money from Day Two.

as;oivjoefoejvj! Bitch!

And then she has the kindness to loan us the money for the electrical bill. Anyone wonder why I hate her? Seriously?

…my fingers hurt, stupid arthritis.

As for the previous post…mum and I talked about it later that night and came to an understanding, though things have only improved slightly. Though mum now understands why I constantly complain of being in pain after she had to spend two days in pain. I told her to try imagining spending weeks or months at a time in that same bed and then imagine the pain and she’d come close to where I am. She said she couldn’t imagine it and can’t understand how I can deal with it day in and day out. I reminded her that if it’s all you know, you learn to deal. *shrugs*

For those on Twitter, I’ve finally gotten into the grove on it, feel free to come see what insanity is my every random thought.

Forgotten Times

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 06:08:37 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

So my mother has been harping on me for the past month or so that ‘we’ need to clean out the garage to get ready for the yard sale that will never happen (because the chances of my mother, my grandmother and Debbie speaking to each other at any given time is limited to nill).

Now, I hate the garage, it’s dirty, dusty, filled with cobwebs and other things that are better off buried. But I’m tired of listening to her whine so I start working on it (what happened to ‘we’, lady?), and realize just why I’ve left those boxes, bags and cupboards alone for so long.

The ghosts of the past are not easily laid to rest, and it hurts, quite a bit of the time, to watch pieces of my life fall away.

I’m a pack rat, I save almost everything of the slightest bit of meaning, pictures, postcards, letters, and those things I expected to be emotional about. But the small things…an old collectible card, a HP magazine article…those things hurt just as badly, representing a time in my life that’s over and that I can’t go back to. A part of my life buried in a dusty box, waiting for me to decide if it’s worth keeping.

So, as I’m going through this very painful process of sorting through my past and determining it’s worth…my mother starts whining I have to stop working on the garage and now have to organize the house…because some how everyone thinks it’s appropriate enough to drop things off here for the yard sale (and a bunch of crap we got from Grandmere moving).

And I can’t just stop and work on the house…because if I stop, I won’t start again. It’s so painful to even touch some of these items, let alone think about what they mean.

I just wish she’d give me some time, to finish this very painful journey so I can put it behind me.

…I finally threw away my phlebotomy textbook…I don’t know how I feel about that. Kept the X-mas cards from HPfGU’s though (and for some reason the BTVS collectible cards from Robin…I really should throw those away).

Today’s Base

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 08:45:20 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

(why is this called a base and not a ‘recpie”? Because I’m giving you the basics, and charging you with playing with it today)

(this recipie is Shortcake the Cat and Hunter the Dog approved)

Shrimp Dip

Ingredients:

1 pkg cream cheese
A few handfulls of pre-cooked, salad sized shrimp (as much or as little as you want. I’m a shrimp fan so I tossed in four large handfulls)
Onion Powder (to taste)
Paparika (to taste)
Spices

Prep:

If your shrimp is frozen (and don’t want to thaw in the fridge), run the shrimp in a strainer under cool water for about three minutes (mine took four with the shower sprayer but my water was too cold).

Soften the cream cheese at room temp (preferably out of reach of of cats, ants and curious shelties). If this step does not suit your fancy, move on to combining.

Combining:

Yes, this is the last step.

Take your softened (or not) cheese and toss it into a good mixer. If your cream cheese is still cold, do this before defrosting the shrimpies and put the mixer on low so it can ’soften’ while you defrost. Add a few touches of water to add in making a soft, creamy blend.

Toss your handfuls of shrimp into a food chopper (or…chop them yourselves, good luck) until almost a paste. Add these shrimpies to the cream cheese. Add the onion powder, paparika, and whatever herbs and spices you want (try anything you like).

This dip is rather thick, so spoon application may be required. This base is also a bit bland (unless you go overboard with the onion powder and paparika) so really do experiment, great to use with kids as they love tossing things into the bowl.

Enjoy!

…the fuck?!

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 04:48:54 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

So I’m walking my cats as I try to do every night (they follow me like ducklings) and I had about six of them with me when I noticed one of my cats was pawing at a neighbor’s door, being a rude little shit (she sometimes feeds them, so I guess he was hoping for snackies), I call out to him a few times, before giving up and hurring onto the porch to chase him off from the door, when it suddenly opens.

I appolagize, and explain what I was doing, being the polite neighbor I am (when Adam’s not involved) and out of NOWHERE, she claims I was not doing as I said, and that I was just looking for a way into her house and ’she knows who I am’…

…the fuck lady?!

No idea what the woman’s ish is, seriously. I’ve lived on this street longer than her and the only problem I’ve had is she keeps stealing my cats (she’ll feed them until they no longer come home), and issue which I have never discussed with her, at all. Hell, the only problem I DO have with my neighbors is Adam and that’s cooled down.

I’m still rather shocked at her attatude, expecially since I was trying to be nice and keep the cat away from her door.

Randomness and another meme

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 23:00:05 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I was watching that new baby panda and the cries reminded me of birthing kittens, you always know where they are because they’re so freaking loud (not fun when the kittens are in your room and you’re trying to sleep).

In other news, mum is trying to track down a police report from last week so she can get her meds refilled. Last week, Adult Protective Services called us and informed us that they recieved an anonymous call that one of our back-up healthcare workers stole medication from us (Clozipan, an anti-anxiety drug that helps mum sleep and premairan, a female hormone mum takes). We informed them we had no idea what they were talking about…until that night, when mum went to fill her medication box for the week and discovered they were in fact, missing. And not just a few pills, but the whole bottles.

No idea why the bitch took the hormones, except that maybe she’s a complete moron and mis-read premarin as percocett (mum’s pain meds).

Anyway, APS informed us to make a police report (required) and so we did…and all but got laughed at by Officer C because the drugs aren’t controled, at the most he could go over there and wag his finger at her. Which makes sense of course, but we still had to report it.

And for almost a week since, mum has been calling everyone she can, to get Officer C to actually file the damn report, as we need that to get her meds re-filled and paid for by Medicare (since she just filled the meds when they were stolen). His supervisor promised to get on his ass to file it, but I’m not holding my breath (we have prior experiance with this officer, he’s one of those guys that…well, frankly makes you disgusted with the police. He’s an arrogant piece of work that gives you the feeling he doesn’t give a damn about the people he meets on his job, which sucks, since a lot of the officers around here are good men (and women) who do care and do their best to help people and he gives the force a bad name.

Right now, mum’s at Urgent Care, trying to get at least some Clozipan samples so she can get some sleep. I’ve been helping her with some of my sleeping pills but they’re not as effective on her and now I’m out, and can’t get a re-fill until September (so yeah, insomnia, I has it).

We also had to get a new main home healthcare worker after out last one flipped the fuck out. See, one of the ‘tasks’ she does it to clean/straighten up the house since mum can’t lift things/bend over due to her back and I can’t move around that much due to the muscle atrophy. So D cleaned the house really well (really, I do not begrudge her that she’s an awsome worker) and then, went on a four day ‘break’ (we usually give the workers four days off a week, so long as they fix us enough meals to get by and do a cleaning before the break).

So she goes on break and discovers…the house is slightly messed up! Not badly, there were some torn papers on the floor that we couldn’t get courtesy of the dog (our new sheltie enjoys tearing shit up, and can reach the counters and trash to it’s always a race to keep things out of his reach), some dishes from the day before we hadn’t gotten to yet, and probably a few things out of place we forgotten/couldn’t put back. Nothing big really.

But D flipped the fuck out and started screaming at us, that she didn’t clean the house just to have us go behind her and screw it all up, that she didn’t deserve or sign up for this (…uh, what the hell does ‘house keeping’ mean to you, woman?), that she wasn’t the maid (no shit, they do a better job) and on, and on, and on.

I admit that I got a bit pissed off this woman was screaming at my mother, and was a bit harsh with my words (no, I don’t remember what I said, but I know my tone was a bit…aggressive), D then turned on me, informing me she ‘didn’t have to take it’ and that ’she could walk out right then’ (I was tempted to tell her that she knows where the door is, but for once I bit my tongue).

I left the room, deciding to remove myself from the situation before it spiraled anymore out of control and went to my room (which, for the record, is on the other end of the house, a hallway and several large rooms away) and I could still hear every word she said clearly, that’s how loud she was.

D went on for about an hour, and at one point brought up the fact that I ’stay in bed all day…” (note: uh, first of all, no shit, that’s part of my disability, not to mention my sprained knee which was on dr’s orders to stay in bed or else, though I have had improvement lately with my movements, even going to the YMCA to swim), “…and that if I was going to waste my life away, I should just curl up and die” (yes, that is what she said, I lost it then and spent quite a bit of the time after that sobbing in a little ball, mostly because she brought up issues I had in the past).

So…mum fired her. Mostly just to get her to shut the fuck up and go away, but seriously, like we’d keep her on after that.

So we have a new worker and I…just can’t let down my guard around this one. I thought D was a great worker and friend and after what she did…I feel utterly betrayed by someone I trusted and don’t feel like I can trust any worker now.

So…that’s about it around here. Onto the meme!

“Post a single sentence from each WIP you have (or as many as you want to pick). No context, no explanations. No more than one sentence!”

I close my eyes, giving way to the darkness creeping in. I turn towards it. Embrace it. Cherish it.

Before volunteering to be bumped, ask how you’ll be compensated. Insist that you’re booked on a flight-not just placed on standby.

Rafe smiled. “No, she’s not.” He laid a hand on Aahz’s knee and she promptly vanished.

Blaise frowned and picked up the letter, watching Thomas for a moment before turning his attention back to the black and white printed words.

As a favorite author of mine once wrote, “The following stories are true, in the fact that at one point in time, someone believed them to be true.”

Yes, I’ll be a police officer and make everyone smile and happy.

The twelve great Olympians were supreme among the gods who succeeded the Titans.

“We were looking for a reasonably large gem, old enough to be what we needed, but one that hadn’t changed shape in the years.”

Shea stared back at her grandson, the only Fey to acknowledge the pair since the trial, her hand gently petting her hand over the dark strands of her consort’s hair, studying them.

So the guard and the young chief are dropped at a place, which to this day is called Kaulul’au named after him.

Kid had sent a boquet of wizarding news to a muggle police station.

Cheshire had to stand by, and watch as some boy…some kid with a too large sword and too large eyes and so much bloody optimism Cheshire thought he would suffocate under it…watch, as that brat, saved his world, his Alice.

She reached up lazily, taking the bottle and shaking it, watching the liquid coat the sides of the bottle. “This is going to taste disgusting isn’t it?”

Thomas stared down at his mother, his face blank of any expression besides slight boredom, while Sophia had her hands to her mouth, as if she was forcing her screams back into her.

The man turned, glancing at Kaito, light flashing off the gold chain that graced the man’s monocle. “But, I’m not one to give up my treasures so easily. My card.”

Peter laughed again, darting back away from Hook, spinning as the pirate thrust towards him. “The dirge is for you, Captain.”

And then, the plauge came…

“They’re down by the old well, your highness.”

“I’m not eating rocks!” Colin called as he trailed after Link.

There was a split second of normalcy, before all hell broke loose.

Sick Meme

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 16:32:56 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I don’t feel good, so you all get a meme:

List the first lines of your last twenty stories. See if you find any patterns.

1. Four hundred years ago, a man by the name of Edward C. Hatter lived on a small estate just outside of England.

2. It was simple at first, a cough here, a sneeze there, the elders of the tribe brushed it off as the remains of a cold that had gone around the village, the remains of too much rain and too much work to keep the food stores up.

3. “How are things going?” Bohdie asked over her small microphone, watching the museum through her binoculars.

4. Saguru stared at the man hanging before him, held up by the long nails driven into his arms, securing him to the planks of wood the blond had set up hours earlier before luring his prey to this remote rooftop.

5. Link sat on a railing, overlooking a small pond in what used to be a small garden somewhere in the temple’s walls.

6. Kaito held the glittering diamond in his hand up to the moon above, the chaos and drama of a heist fading away from him as a red glow started in the center of the diamond, growing and bathing him in the light, painting his face a faint rose colour.

7. Akako looked up from her books, blinking sleepily at Kaito and Kiden before sighing. “There is nothing mentioning Pandora beyond her being the woman who doomed the world to suffering. If this gem existed, it would have been in my books.

8. “The queen requests your presences,” the guard said, not looking at the pair that had been locked in the earthen cell, doing his up-most to pretend the two didn’t exist until the queen deemed their rights again…or killed them.

9. It was a normal day on Destiny Islands, the sun was shining, seagulls were making the ear splitting cry that seagulls make, and Riku had once again pushed Sora into a pile of brush as the pair walked past it on their way to school, before taking off at a run before his fellow keyblade wielder could catch up with him and retaliate.

10. “Effie! Come down already, you’re guests are here!”

11. A gloved hand reached out, gently grasping the small envelope and it’s attached rose off the offered silver tray, waving away the servant who brought them. He set the envelope down for a moment to pull a slender cigerette from his silver case, lighing it before returning to the card, using an antique paperknife to slit open the envelope, allowing the card inside to fall free, a grinning characture staring up at him. “Well, this is intresting,” he mused, a flash of a smile crossing his face.

12. The swords clashed, metal upon metal, locking together before drifting apart as their weilders moved around each other, eager for another opening, another chance. Torchlight glinted, sparking against the hammered steel, illuminating the droplets of sweat as they slid down a stubbled cheek and smooth chest.

13. Sora knelt next to the large rock on the edge of the water, carefully placing the rough hewn bowl next to the dripping, glowing sap that for some reason flowed from the rocks. He smiled as he watched the sticky fluid fill the bowl, remembring his first taste of the bitterly sweet liquid.

14. “Concentrate! Control! If you can’t control yourself, you can’t control anything, including your magic. If you can’t control your magic, you will never, ever become anything more then what you are this moment. A room full of weak, spoiled children who have never looked beyond their own nose for anything.”

15. His name was Vladimir, but no one ever called him that, unless you were his father and rather pissed off at him. Vlad was a prince, a king, a lover, a demon. He was your every fantasy and your every nightmare.

16. “What are we doing?” Conan asked, looking up at Kaito who was leaning over him to peer around the corner of the building they were hiding behind.

17. The days always go the same, as they have since the pair moved in together.

18. Kaito has a wooden box, full of trinkets Saguru never gave him.

19. The Poisoned Apple, the means of death, or at least, near death, to one beautiful princess.

20. This is far too easy…

Summary: I abuse comma’s.

I hurt….

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:41:42 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Apparently, I am no longer as young and agile as I once was and am not allowed to do the butterfly stroke with only my arms anymore…ow, ow, ow. But I know the pain means I did something good by moving my muscles.

Though, it also means I’m not getting as much work done for the yardsale as I had hoped, hurts too much to move. The best I can do today is set up charity donations for after the sale (like I want to keep all this crap around, s’why I’m trying to sale it). I love charity donations to St. Vincent de Paul’s…no more crap for me and it benifits somone else eventually (either via those who buy the cheap products or those who benifit from the proceeds). Funny thing is, some of the knicknacks I’ll probably be donating…came from charity thrift stores. I always check out Goodwill or St. Vinny’s first for cat figurines and disney toys, it’s really a never ending circle.

I just wish I could figure out what to do with my hundreds of Baby-Sitter’s Club books, they’re too ragged to sale or donate, but I don’t want to just trash them, they still have memories for me but I can’t keep them (they’re over flowing the giant trunk they’re stored in.

Hmm, there is a little girl in the block, maybe I’ll ask her mum if she might like them. Not the un-readable ones of course, but that’s still a good 50-100 free books for her daughter.

Ow…

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:40:05 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

So I started my first day of really moving around after being on bedrest for a week for my knee. I did some light swimming and a game of around the world with my caregiver’s son (he’s twelve, the perfect age for me to get along with and have fun which was why he was allowed to come with)…

I now have a giant blister on my foot (and my knee’s sore but that was expected).

…apparently no matter what I do, I’m destined to hurt myself *pokes blister*

….what?

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 13:56:24 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I don’t comprehend the meaning nor the purpose of this story.
-review from my story Golden

Stories have to have a purpose now? I’m no longer allowed to write whatever pretty little thought the muses put in my head that happens to fall in a pleaseing arrangement?

Well fuck me, there go most of my stories.

I can’t decide if the reviewer hadn’t read the original manga arc the story was based off of, or just an idiot.

Since someone asked...

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 04:31:33 GMT

all my current AMV's can be found at: http://www.animemusicvideos.org/members/members_myprofile.php?user_id=310316

Also, I sprained my knee, so contact may be sporadic.

AMV’s to make

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:32:30 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Mostly a note to myself, but maybe if I make the notes public I’ll get my ass in gear and make them:

YGO - Bad Reputaton - Kaiba Family - Still downloading the damn episodes to find enough clips of all four.
Kingdom Hearts - ?? - Roxas and Riku
DCMK - Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny - Lost the cast list, and still need to re-down clips for some.
DCMK - Won’t Back Down - Remake - Need to get the newer BO episodes so that I can remake with better clips and no subs
Gift - ??? - Sora/Palpatine - Need Palpatine clips as…not a star wars fan

How is it…

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:30:11 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

we can have a combined monthly income of 13,700$ and not pay the bills on time?! Seriously, it should not be this fucking hard!

And mum’s “brilliant” new plan? She’s going to sell the house, and we’re going to move into apartments.

EXCUSE ME?!

First of all, we worked out ASSES off for this house. We paid it off once, and yes, things are a bit tight at the moment, but we usually manage to survive. I am NOT willing to give up 16 years and my fucking FUTURE so that she can play happy renter and line someone else’s pocket.

I will not leave this house until I am dead or we have sold it at a decent price for a NEW house, not some crappy apartment, thank you very much.

She had this whole thing where she would sell the house to a guy for 100,000$ up front and payments for the rest…except, she’s not realizing, after paying off the morgage (which, I don’t recall how much it is, but it’s not 100,000)….that’s a nice fucking down payment on a new house, plus, if the guy’s making payments…we don’t have to! His payments can be re-directed directly to the morgage of said new house.

Logic is not my mother’s fortay at the moment.

She’s also finally thinking about allowing me to become her payee…though she keeps changing that. Last night I went from becoming her payee, to splitting the bills down the center, to…whatever the fuck she’s come up with overnight. She can’t make up her mind, and we just keep getting further behind because she can’t manage her money (and yes, I can take her to court and get power of…whatever it is over money, but doing so would involve my family, because they always stick their noses into shit, and there is no way I’m letting my money grubbing, controling bastard of an uncle anywhere NEAR our money. Ours! No touchy!).

…I’m getting so fucking tired of this mess. I will admit it, I want out. I can’t say that to my mother because she’ll go ahead with her asanine plans and get rid of the only asset we have and I DON’T want that…but I’m so tired of all this crap. I’m tired of having every cent of my money being taken for bills she should have paid. I’m tired of opening the door to servicemen who are there to shut off one utility or the other. I’m tired of never knowing if I’m going to have electricity, water or heat the next morning. I’m REALLY fucking sick of paying 500$ rent (out of 680$ income) and then having to be -300$ in my bank account because if I don’t overdraft my account, I’m going to lose something…like the electricity last month…I’m also tired of being overdrafted by 300$ and still expected to pay 500$ rent the next month (hello mum! One cannot make 800$ out of 680!)

And it’s not just the money, I’m tired of being abused. I’m tired of being yelled at or bad mouthed because I can’t get out of bed and clean up the living room her dog tore up. I’m tired of being left alone when I’m violently ill so my mother can go spend the day at a place that makes her cry when she gets home (and I’m really fucking tired of her crying every day…it’s not her fault, but damn does it hurt me). I’m tired of my needs always coming last.

…maybe I’m just tired.

My mother and I got into a blazing row last week about how I was being ‘lazy’ and I’m always sick and that she’s doesn’t want to hear about it anymore since I don’t do anything around the house. Rather funny…for someone so lazy, I now have a home healthcare worker who will come to work for 50hrs a month to help me get around the house, bathe, eat, ect. Apparently the goverment and my doctors are seeing actual medical conditions, not ‘laziness’.

Grandmere managed to ruin another holiday, though I guess I can’t blame her this time. Just as we were going to start the BBQ for the fourth…life alert called us to tell us she was being rushed to the hospital. No idea what’s going on except that she’s waiting on a surgery…I’m sort of surprised she’s lasted this long, but I doubt it’ll be much longer.

…I still don’t know how I feel about the fact she may soon be very much out of my life. I mean, I’ve wanted it for years, prayed for it, but now…she’s my grandmother, even if she is the most wicked, evil, spiteful woman I have ever met.

I think the stress of Grandmere is what’s pushing my mother over the edge right now…and while I understand that, it’s still not making it a very happy place when I have to take all the bitching and fighting and…everything, just because she needs to lash out.

Sometimes…I wish I could just run away. Disappear and have my own life. But I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t leave my mother. For one thing, I’m too damn scared of what she’d do if I’m not around to keep her going…and for the other…I love her, despite the constant stress.

In utterly un-related news, I’ve discovered I can’t be without ciggerettes right now. I ran out hours ago and have not stopped scratching my arm since. Only, since I don’t have nails, I’ve been scratching at it with a toothpick. It’s all red and irritated.

I hope mum’s check comes in the mail today…maybe she’ll buy me a pack of smokes (while they’re still on sale for 2.75!)… *hopeful look at the mail*

Apparently…

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:53:46 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

My experience with those eight tumblers of tequila has made that now I get lovely drunk off just two wine coolers…

…can someone turn off the sun please?

Recipies by Sait

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 15:59:54 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Today’s recipe is a quick and easy summer desert that takes less then five minutes if you’re a fast chopper.

Ingredients (as always, these can be adjusted to size and taste):

1/2 a cantaloupe melon
5-10 large strawberries
6 desert shells (think strawberry shortcake cakes)
1 small container of yogurt (any flavor) (optional)
Favorite ice cream (optional)
1 tub whipped topping (I prefer the regular, but if you use flavored, remember that you already have a strawberry flavoring in the desert…chocolate would go good though)

Prep:

Remove the tops and tips of the strawberries, then cut into small slices, they can either be circular (cut from tip to end) or diced (cut lengthwse, then cut the halves into smaller pieces), but make sure they’re SMALL.

Cut the half of the cantaloupe into smaller wedges, no more then 1/2 to 1 inch in width, cut off the rind (using a steak knife, slid the blade between the orange flesh and the rind, careful not to get any green on the meat….though if you’re like me, you can clean it up a bit with the knife). Cut these wedges into smaller chunks via dicing.

Assembling:

Start by putting one desert shell on a plate, and filling the center with cantaloupe, add a healthy dollop of yogurt or whipped topping, then add a second desert shell (center side up) and sort of mush the two halves together, so that they stick, do NOT over mush…or else you’ll have a flat desert.

Repeat with the strawberries, placing them in the center of the shell and adding yogurt/whipped topping. Place the last desert shell center side DOWN, so that it ‘cups’ the strawberries. Add more whipped topping, or even a small scoop of your favorite ice cream on top. The yogurt and ‘mushing’ action should keep your tower from falling over (I carried two of these through three rooms without incident).

If using ice cream, feel free to add up to three more small scoops around the edge of the plate, then dot the remaining cantaloupe and strawberries artfully on top of the scoops (I used a fan method for mine) for an attractive arrangement.

Repeat with the remaining shells.

Serves two, should be eaten immediately, but CAN be stored (without the ice cream) in the fridge for a few hours if the fruits are dry (not juicy). Be careful of slight cake sogging from the yogurt however. No calorie info as I’m too tired and sore to do the math, it’s mid range, healthy for the fruit and yogurt, not so much the desert shells and ice cream.

Which brings up an interesting point, three desert shells are very dry, so if you like moister cake (or like me, are a fan of ice cream/cake soup), I would recommend using the ice cream, and letting it sit for a minute so the cakes can soak up the ice cream and yogurt.

Let me know what you think, mum and I loved this to death, but I love other people’s opinions on my ‘creations’. Also tell me if you tried other fruits, I want a good list of what goes well with this.

(Temp name: Leaning Tower of Summer…yeah, I’m not good with naming things)

…

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:52:42 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not keen on fashion, especially when I’m hot and feel like I’m sticking to everything I own. Usually when such a time occurs, I grab the nearest length of loose cotton fabric, wrap it around me in some fashion and call it good. This usually means I’m dressed for the height of summer in a sheet toga or have a strip of cloth wrapped around my breasts with shorts.

Please note, I only do this INSIDE THE HOUSE, I don’t even visit the front yard in this manner.

But recently, I had an interview with a home healthcare worker, and my mother brought these incidents up when we were discussing the ‘mental’ aspect (if I had any problems that made myself a danger to myself and others, if I had rash behaviors, so on). Only, the way she mentioned it, you thought I was walking down main street with the kitchen sheers around my body.

I LIKE being comfortable, I grew up in the deserts of So. California and HATE the heat, not to mention, the eleven years down there taught me I don’t get along well with it, I get really sick and temperamental in the heat. Staying cool is my number one priority in the summer.

But now, I’m so embarrassed by what she said, I can’t bring myself to drag out my altered toga sheets or banding cloths because I’m afraid of what she thinks of them and who else she’s told the story to in a way that implies I’m crazy for wearing them.

I just…I wish she’d accept the choices I make in life…or at least, not imply to complete stranger I’m off my rocker for lounging around in a Harry Potter printed Toga.

*sigh*

(BTW, anyone else do this? Please tell me I’m not the only one with odd fashions when it comes to the heat….)

There are…

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:30:26 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

certain times when you want your mommy.

Throwing up on your dental hygienist is one of those times.

…

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 01:30:22 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I saw a butterfly up close today for the first time in years.

…I can’t decide if I want to smile or sob over that fact.

Edit to LJ only: I've also discovered I need to feel something more then 'blah', 'blank', 'sleepy', 'cold', 'bored', or 'excited' in my mood themes.

Happiness Overload

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 11:48:04 GMT

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

So now that E3 is winding down, we have some pretty nice results in for those looking for new items, specifically in the KH and LoZ fandoms.

Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks - Apparently, I’ve been living under a rock when it comes to LoZ, because this is the first I heard about it. Spirit Tracks is the third installment in the Wind Waker timeline (for Zelda fans, that would mean the third game in the child line after Ocarina). The game play looks interesting, between the train (yes, train. Link drives it…so squishy cute with his little cap!), the Phantom (uh, yeah, this is my confused face), and just the general ‘feel’ of the game play. The colours are bright the graphics are interesting to view, and I have an urge to run over the sheep. I just wish I knew more about the storyline, for instance…what the hell happened to a flooded Hyrule?!

Untitled Zelda for Wii: slated for 2010, which gives us 18 months to fin out more. All I know is it’s for Wii, it may be a TP branch (or at least the artwork is similar), it could possibly deal with memories and player perceptions (er…), and might incorporate Wii Motion Plus (anyone got any info on what that is? I’ve been out of the Nintendo loop). They have enough of it done, that it could have been showcased at E3 2009, but they decided to put the focus on development and promote Spirit Tracks instead, so hopefully we’ll be getting some glimpses soon! Artwork for ZeldaU http://www.cubed3.com/media/2009/June/jb/fullzelda.jpg (I hate to point it out..but someone’s been ripping off the Great Fairy design from Wind Waker….can we please not mix up our art? Be interesting if the theory that she’s the embodiment of the Master Sword is true…of all Link’s female companions, only the Master Sword has never ditched him)…and apparently it’s a different era then TP…damn design.

KH: Days - Not much to say, except it’ll be released September 2009 in North America and was released May 30th in Japan.

KH III: This one is a bit more tricky, they mentioned they probably WILL be developing a new game, except they want to finish working on Birth by Sleep first, which is apparently having issues…and that’s about all I know.

KH Birth by Sleep: Delayed production due to problems. Is said to be a prequel to KH III…except, going by screen shots, it’s a prequel to the whole series! Yeah, English not working with some of these translations.

And that’s it on my front, I know there are news on other great games, but…they’re not my cup of tea so I don’t have anything more!