Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Apparently, I am no longer as young and agile as I once was and am not allowed to do the butterfly stroke with only my arms anymore…ow, ow, ow. But I know the pain means I did something good by moving my muscles.

Though, it also means I’m not getting as much work done for the yardsale as I had hoped, hurts too much to move. The best I can do today is set up charity donations for after the sale (like I want to keep all this crap around, s’why I’m trying to sale it). I love charity donations to St. Vincent de Paul’s…no more crap for me and it benifits somone else eventually (either via those who buy the cheap products or those who benifit from the proceeds). Funny thing is, some of the knicknacks I’ll probably be donating…came from charity thrift stores. I always check out Goodwill or St. Vinny’s first for cat figurines and disney toys, it’s really a never ending circle.

I just wish I could figure out what to do with my hundreds of Baby-Sitter’s Club books, they’re too ragged to sale or donate, but I don’t want to just trash them, they still have memories for me but I can’t keep them (they’re over flowing the giant trunk they’re stored in.

Hmm, there is a little girl in the block, maybe I’ll ask her mum if she might like them. Not the un-readable ones of course, but that’s still a good 50-100 free books for her daughter.

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

we can have a combined monthly income of 13,700$ and not pay the bills on time?! Seriously, it should not be this fucking hard!

And mum’s “brilliant” new plan? She’s going to sell the house, and we’re going to move into apartments.

EXCUSE ME?!

First of all, we worked out ASSES off for this house. We paid it off once, and yes, things are a bit tight at the moment, but we usually manage to survive. I am NOT willing to give up 16 years and my fucking FUTURE so that she can play happy renter and line someone else’s pocket.

I will not leave this house until I am dead or we have sold it at a decent price for a NEW house, not some crappy apartment, thank you very much.

She had this whole thing where she would sell the house to a guy for 100,000$ up front and payments for the rest…except, she’s not realizing, after paying off the morgage (which, I don’t recall how much it is, but it’s not 100,000)….that’s a nice fucking down payment on a new house, plus, if the guy’s making payments…we don’t have to! His payments can be re-directed directly to the morgage of said new house.

Logic is not my mother’s fortay at the moment.

She’s also finally thinking about allowing me to become her payee…though she keeps changing that. Last night I went from becoming her payee, to splitting the bills down the center, to…whatever the fuck she’s come up with overnight. She can’t make up her mind, and we just keep getting further behind because she can’t manage her money (and yes, I can take her to court and get power of…whatever it is over money, but doing so would involve my family, because they always stick their noses into shit, and there is no way I’m letting my money grubbing, controling bastard of an uncle anywhere NEAR our money. Ours! No touchy!).

…I’m getting so fucking tired of this mess. I will admit it, I want out. I can’t say that to my mother because she’ll go ahead with her asanine plans and get rid of the only asset we have and I DON’T want that…but I’m so tired of all this crap. I’m tired of having every cent of my money being taken for bills she should have paid. I’m tired of opening the door to servicemen who are there to shut off one utility or the other. I’m tired of never knowing if I’m going to have electricity, water or heat the next morning. I’m REALLY fucking sick of paying 500$ rent (out of 680$ income) and then having to be -300$ in my bank account because if I don’t overdraft my account, I’m going to lose something…like the electricity last month…I’m also tired of being overdrafted by 300$ and still expected to pay 500$ rent the next month (hello mum! One cannot make 800$ out of 680!)

And it’s not just the money, I’m tired of being abused. I’m tired of being yelled at or bad mouthed because I can’t get out of bed and clean up the living room her dog tore up. I’m tired of being left alone when I’m violently ill so my mother can go spend the day at a place that makes her cry when she gets home (and I’m really fucking tired of her crying every day…it’s not her fault, but damn does it hurt me). I’m tired of my needs always coming last.

…maybe I’m just tired.

My mother and I got into a blazing row last week about how I was being ‘lazy’ and I’m always sick and that she’s doesn’t want to hear about it anymore since I don’t do anything around the house. Rather funny…for someone so lazy, I now have a home healthcare worker who will come to work for 50hrs a month to help me get around the house, bathe, eat, ect. Apparently the goverment and my doctors are seeing actual medical conditions, not ‘laziness’.

Grandmere managed to ruin another holiday, though I guess I can’t blame her this time. Just as we were going to start the BBQ for the fourth…life alert called us to tell us she was being rushed to the hospital. No idea what’s going on except that she’s waiting on a surgery…I’m sort of surprised she’s lasted this long, but I doubt it’ll be much longer.

…I still don’t know how I feel about the fact she may soon be very much out of my life. I mean, I’ve wanted it for years, prayed for it, but now…she’s my grandmother, even if she is the most wicked, evil, spiteful woman I have ever met.

I think the stress of Grandmere is what’s pushing my mother over the edge right now…and while I understand that, it’s still not making it a very happy place when I have to take all the bitching and fighting and…everything, just because she needs to lash out.

Sometimes…I wish I could just run away. Disappear and have my own life. But I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t leave my mother. For one thing, I’m too damn scared of what she’d do if I’m not around to keep her going…and for the other…I love her, despite the constant stress.

In utterly un-related news, I’ve discovered I can’t be without ciggerettes right now. I ran out hours ago and have not stopped scratching my arm since. Only, since I don’t have nails, I’ve been scratching at it with a toothpick. It’s all red and irritated.

I hope mum’s check comes in the mail today…maybe she’ll buy me a pack of smokes (while they’re still on sale for 2.75!)… *hopeful look at the mail*

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

please to stop comparing DN Angel and Magic Kaito, Saguru is not a murderous psycopath and Kaito does not fly on raven wings given to him by a demon rabbit…

Yes, no matter how pretty the image of Saguru with Krad’s long hair and coat, knock it off. If you don’t, I will be forced to read more With/Satoshi porn!

Also, spend more time figuring out how hot it is in Cairo in March and more about Genesis Larceny.

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

It one of those times in history, that the world is changing around is, where if you pay attention, you can watch a giant change or shift in what will become tomorrow.

Going green, the next moon mission, politics, the advancement of internet communication, the changing face of medicine…

These are just a few of the changes that have been going on in the past two years, and each day a new development comes, a new step towards what the future will become, and it’s amazing to watch, when one can separate themselves from the day to day and see the changes that are, and the changes that will be.

What will our world be like one year from now, five, ten? When my great great grandkids are playing games and studying, how will they be doing it? Will it be on the same consoles and books I use? Or will their schooling be conducted the way I hope, via a computer where they can experience classes from all over the world, in a global classroom? Will they see a ball and stick as antiques or things that they can equip in a game? Or will the classic games of tag and hide and seek still reign as kids run down the street on a hot summer afternoon?

Will the green movement become the norm, instead of just a quirky thing that takes too much time and energy to actually pay attention to?

Will my dream of a computerized home medical center that can read your symptoms and diagnose the easy things such as a cold or flu become reality, freeing up doctors for more important things become a reality? Will more doctors embrace computerized medical advancements, allowing patients to interact from their homes, instead of dragging their sick bodies to the offices, giving patients comfort and care that the truly want.

What will my decendents write, about the history I’m currently living?